Hello If I Ruled Family,

I wanted to share with you a response I recevied to a blog I wrote recently entited, “Why Didn’t I Get Married?”  Check it what Jay Cooley has to say!

1 Corinthians 7:2 now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. … NASB


1 Corinthians 7:9 but if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. NASB


Ephesians 5:22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. (Original versions says “Submit”) NASB


Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, NASB

I once did a college paper on marriage and before I finished my paper which I received an “A” on, I was mad, confused, and most definitely very angry. The research showed me that up until the mid-1900s people got married for “Social” and “Economic” reasons. It wasn’t until the mid-1900s people started getting married for “LOVE” alone (or I’m pregnant), and the Forefathers thought this to be very irresponsible. “AMAZING!” Did they see something we could not, or just knew what they were talking about? I’m not qualified to give a definite answer!

To identify this, most of us are familiar with the term “Love Child,” right? This was during the 50s-60s when it was times of “War” and protest for “Peace,” which the slogan was “Let’s make Love, not War!” There was a lot of drug play and all sorts of things going on. Especially, people getting married to people they didn’t really know being in the mind-set of “I Love You, I might die in this war, let’s get married” (This may sound familiar to today’s culture) always doing something while there’s time left. As if they know when the end is.

Well, Lo and behold. Today the children of the children and so on are repeating and producing this possible reckless teaching. You may say “Dude, we are supposed to love the person we are willing to marry, right!? True! But, after doing the research of “Love Alone,” I’m quick to say “wrong!” The bible tells us to love our enemy, right? But, will you marry them??? Remember, they’re still your enemy and you really don’t know much about them except they really want to do harm to you! “Think” about it!

So why would you marry someone you don’t know much about and possibly is your enemy… i.e. abusive man or woman who came out of a home where abuse was a given and affection was not shown… a household that did not think logically about social or economic means, and the list goes on and on. Many of us even received warning signs and thought “if we get married things would get better.” Ha… marriage only highlights the reasons some people shouldn’t get married. It is an honored thing, not a fixing us thing, or a status thing.

Where did we get the notion that the bible teaches us carelessness and not being thorough in our dealings!?? We should be ashamed of ourselves. We often refer to our grandparents and great-grandparents, but, I don’t think it was a just because “I love you” to them for getting married. I think they were balanced when it came to life. They knew to fear the Lord! They knew Love covers a multitude of faults! And, they knew not to judge one another! And, they wanted to know “what can we bring to the table to make this work.” Today, most are just hot in the pants and lonely because the talk show host said so, or the preacher convicted you! (Another subject, sorry)

And, speaking from the perspective of being mullato, which most of us are (African American/Native American/French American), did you read about what they went through? Physically and mentally! So, it gave them a bit of stick-to-it-ness! ~smiling~

But, at some point people so called “arrived,” and lost value, downgrading to whatever instead of upgrading their purpose. Black men abuse their wives because no one decided to stand against the odds and say “I’ll break that cycle.” And, family members hide these things and protected them as if they’re honorable. Giving them names like “Family Secrets!” Persons Please!!! (And that’s not what I really wanted to say, but I’m trying to do better.) ~smiling~

Do you know the average person is jacked-up in the head because they have so much on their mind and was taught to keep that kind of stuff hush-hush? How destructive of the human race! (But that’s another discussion)]

Complimenting one another and loving each other is good, but not appeasing or making each other feel, “you have to make me happy!” What happens in the day you don’t feel like being happy or loving!? And that’s when all the hoopla starts, and we start quoting B.S. that works in someone else’s household (not to reject solid wisdom). Remember, you are not your father, mother, brother, sister, close friend so you need to ask God how to handle or run your house. You and your spouse are two different people from them. And, trust me’ he already gave the instructions!

But, often times we never took the time to know that person, let alone, find out who we are, and what you can deal with at the psychological level and status you’ve experienced in your life. Instead we are eager to get hitched, or eager to turn it down which is not bad in some cases. We let the same persons who told us “you are lonely and need a companion;” tell us “you need to be by yourself. Wow!

Everyone wants to get married, but everyone is not marriage material… you can be, but most will not take the necessary steps to do so. My first step personally in getting to know someone is, “Giving them the right to choose.” What do you mean by that? Letting them know and see what type of person I am and not allowing them to come to conclusions. And, I expect the same from them! We will never say to each other, “I thought you knew!” Ha… that is so played out.

People tend to hide themselves because of things they are ashamed about, not knowing a majority of the times it was not their fault, and for the most part hide it with attitude! Oh, I’m sorry, you need an example!? “That’s just who I am!” But, truth be told, that’s just a fragment of who they are, and if you pay close attention you will see the person that was raped, molested, beaten, or has just been messed over in relationships or life and deal with it in a destructive way. One has to first forgive and love self, before bringing another person or persons (children) in their life.

It is amazing how history repeats itself. I just recently found out in my own family, people tried to hide stuff from my families past, but lo and behold it surfaced through someone’s child or children years and years later. For an example… a spirit of whoredom… abuse… cheating… drug addiction… lying and the list goes on and on and on. You know! The being afraid to deal with that so it will not be repeated, so we hide it in the cookie jar and one of the children from another generation eats it. So sad!

No one ever thinks about “we will expose this so it won’t happen to no one else.” It’s a shame, but the average child who’s molested will not say anything until he or she becomes an adult and on trial will say “somebody did it to me!”

I hope you all understand the affect this type of stuff has on marriage. There is a reason he or she is no good as we say, or a reason a person is quick to get divorced.

Do one thing for me. Look in a mirror and think about everything you have and don’t have from things to substance and attitude (character). Now ask yourself to marry you? Well, what was your answer? Did you ask yourself if you are willing to stay if you lose all possessions? What about if you wanted to have children or more children? What if you stop feeling good about yourself and gaining weight? And the biggie! What if you want to have sex often and you keep turning yourself down?

These are just a fraction of things in a marriage people go through, and people who are just dating, remember, you are not legally committed, so don’t say we go through this now… 9 out of 10 times the average couple divorces after shacking for 10 years. They get married and divorce in almost the same month. It’s just something about commitment! WOW!

Now you have to ask yourself: Do I just date because I’m afraid of commitment, or am I making sure this person is right for me? You mean to tell me after all you’ve invested in each other; you are still not worthy or sure! WOW! Note to self “If a person is content, they will never commit!”

Although many people have commitment problems and other problems they do not care to share with someone they’ve already been intimate with (which is a sign), it doesn’t mean they will never get married. I’m more concerned with the person who is looking for Ms or Mr Right! And when you do find them please share with “Ripley’s Believe It or Not!” Because Jesus has chosen to finally get married.

And, you would probably divorce Jesus because you don’t have him to yourself! Ha…too funny! And, we men have issues also, because the moment Jesus tells us to show love, be more affectionate, turn off the T.V., and let’s talk about what you’re feeling. You are going to say “This ain’t working out!” And, divorce Him… LMBO!!! (Really! Think about it, we do it now)

~Cooley’s Perspective~

What say you If I Ruled??


2 thoughts on “The Answer to a Qualified Question: “Why Didn’t I Get Married?”

  1. Very Interesting. I think Cooley hit on everything and is dead right. People didn’t marry for love back in the day. Most couples married after only knowing each other a few months. They married for prosperity, which could include love. Love the article. Until Mrs. Right comes along, lol. There’s no such thing in my opinion as Mr./Mrs Right. However, I do believe that there is a Mr./Mrs. Prosperity.

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